Unwavering

“I’m just trying to figure out how to function in this chaos,” says Clara to her patient.

“I’ll be back with your breakfast,” she says.

Clara is a nurse who works in the long-term patient wing. She loves her job, everyone she meets, and their experiences. This week was different, it was tougher. Her dad was suffering from ALS, he had been diagnosed a couple of months ago and wasn’t progressing much. Her job prevents her from looking after her father all the time but she tries. The disease caused him difficulty with speech and doing daily tasks. This morning she was rounding on her patients, her first one Abe. He was eighty-four and had been in the hospital for 2 years at this point he was waiting for a heart transplant. Abe, a simple man, would wake up, turn on the news, and do his daily crossword puzzle. He was one of her favorites telling stories of being in the army and all his pictures of his grandchildren. His wife had passed years prior, wherever Abe was he always kept a photo of his wife in his pocket. She brought back Abe’s breakfast, fruit salad and pancakes.

“How’s the puzzle going?” she asks.

“He sighs, I’m stuck on four down the clue is unwavering, five letters.’’

“what about stern?’’ Clara suggests smiling.

“Good one, why didn’t I think of that” Abe replies, chuckling.

Abe reminds her of her father. Although she is usually good at separating her personal and professional life, she can’t help but think about her father. Clara recalls a time when she was waiting for results on her NCLEX. She had a conversation with her father. She remembers him explaining that no matter how she did, he would always be immensely proud. He always was there for her and always cheered her up. She saw so much of her father in Abe. Margaret was another patient; eighty-seven sharp as a tack and full of sass. She had gone through a lot in her life. She was awaiting surgery for an aneurysm. There was always someone with her, she too loved her share of board games, scrabble was her favorite. Her family was aware that there would be risks in her surgery given her age, but it would give her more time. After visiting a few more patients, she handled charts and ensured everyone was comfortable. Later that week Abe’s health declined rapidly, he had a high fever and was having a hard time breathing. This caused Clara more struggle than she felt when she saw her father. She didn’t know what to do, or how to deal with this. She rushed to Abe’s side. He was much weaker than before and she almost didn’t recognize him. It was like his life was sucked right out of him. She noticed his crossword puzzle was untouched.

“Stay with us, Abe. We’re going to take care of you,” Clara whispered, holding his hand.

She talked to the doctor because there was nothing she could do, he waited too long, and the transplant would never come in time.

He murmured, “ I’ll finally be able to see her again.” Clara smiled, holding back her tears

“Yes, you will.” She watched as he took his last breath. Abe was gone.

Clara barely had time to process her loss, Margaret’s surgery was starting.