I’m just trying to figure out how to function in this chaos.
Words rose to my throat
but never left my sealed mouth.
Yet they sank back into my chest
as I focused my eyes on the
flickering screen of my phone.
My mother answered in a glitchy voice,
her features blurred, her words indistinct.
I winced and wondered if she had noticed
sadness hinted in my voice.
To my relief, she was busy
fumbling with endless loads of paperwork,
soothing me with words of indifference,
“Well, I am very glad
that you are finding your own place.”
I nodded,
a perfect smile on my weary face,
but my chest bubbling with words
and words and words,
and swears and cries,
and turmoil and fear.
How am I supposed to tell her
that I am a mere stranger,
a foreigner,
an alien to those cold pale eyes
that gleam with curiosity and disdain?
How do I tell her
that this is an empty classroom
with rows and rows of clear desks
but none for me to settle?
How do I tell her
that I am asked where I’m from,
as if my entire face screams that
I don’t belong in this very room?
How do I tell her
the way the filthy-dressed loner across the road
spat at me with scorn
and growled a dog-like bark at my face?
How do I tell her
that the name with which they address me
isn’t my name?
It is a sound they can’t pronounce
with their confused tongues.
And,
behind silence and forgery,
fades my identity.
I don’t know who I am, Ma.
I have lost my name,
and I fear deeply
that I may have lost myself as well.
In a place where my name isn’t mine
how am I to function
within this chaos?
November 5, 2024 at 8:13 am
The narrative and the main character’s feeling about the world is obviously touching. The poem illustrates a character who couldn’t fit into the new world very well and don’t want to bother his or her family. The poem combines logic and rhythm very well. Overall, it is a good poem and a heartbreaking story.
November 5, 2024 at 11:46 am
I really love how you presented the message throughout the piece without it being super obvious or just saying it straight out. I also really love the personification in the phrase “confused tongues.” This is so good!