“It’s not like it used to be… you can’t mess around anymore,” I said, eyes darting around, looking for anyone that might have overheard. I don’t know why; we were alone.

This was the first time I’d seen him in weeks. He had just come back to pack his bags, and he was off again. Sometimes he doesn’t stay the night, unless I insist. I never know where he goes off to, that is until I see the man-made disaster that makes the front page of the paper. I’d always save the paper for him to read when he came back.

“Who says I’m messing around?” he said, looking at me with a sly grin in the dim candlelight. “I’ve always been serious about this.”

“I could lose my job as a Knight. I could be hanged for treason. Did you ever think about that?”

“You’re not happy at your job,” he said, continuing to pack his bags.

I’m not happy because I’m not with you.

“I don’t want to lose my position. The benefits are what’s keeping you alive.”

“Who says I want the government to keep me alive? I’d rather live a short life and not have to rely on those bastards,” he spat.

My life wouldn’t be happy, because you wouldn’t be in it.

He put down the extra set of clothes he had in his hands, and crouched to see eye to eye with me while I sat.

“You are an incredible man, but I can’t stand to have you submit yourself like this to a system that was never made with our best interests in mind,” he said, grabbing my arms.

Did he not remember? I joined the Knights because we were starving. I joined because we had made a pact to stay together, because we had no one else. Because I couldn’t let him die. I did it for him.

We’d had this conversation many times before. I didn’t want to have it again.

“I just don’t want you to get taken away from me for good. You’re all I have,” I said. I was getting desperate.

“Listen peaches,” he said, standing back up. “I’m not all you have. You have a job. You have a position of authority. You have more money than you know what to do with. But you’re still being screwed by the same government that gave you all of that. I can tell you aren’t happy. But you have more than you realize.”

I’m not happy because you’re not safe.

He buckled his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I’m leaving. Thank you for everything.”

I didn’t know what to say. Every time he left like this, I never knew if it was going to be the last time I saw him alive.

“Please, just… be careful.” I had to hold back tears. I definitely didn’t want him to see me cry; I was stronger than that.

“Peaches, you don’t have anything to worry about. Careful is my middle name,” he said with a wink and a cheeky grin. This was his smile I could see through, and he knew it.

With that, the door slammed and I was alone with my worry.