“How long are you willing to chill before you get it?” Joey said to me. This was the first time when I felt like I needed to do something with my life instead of feeling like a waste of air in this world full of people filled with motivation. I’ve always been reasonless and I don’t know how to achieve the incentive to work towards something. I envy the hard workers in this world because I don’t know how to be like them.
“I have to do something with my life. I can’t live like this forever” I said to myself feeling the most hatred towards the person I know most, me. I’ve never felt more alone than where I am right now in life. I see others get handed things and work to get what they want, but the key factor is that they had help one way or another. The ones that get handed everything gets help from their parents because they are wealthy and don’t want to let go of their children. Then there are those who work towards what they want in life but they had guidance, a good mentor, to teach them the ways of life and how to navigate. I never got any of that. My parents passed away when I was only ten years old. I ran away from home scared of being put into foster care and never looked back. I found myself starting to get into very shady positions that I put myself in. All I’ve ever wanted in life was some sort of guidance, but I guess we’re not all lucky like that.
I’m now 23 and still have never had more than 500 dollars in my bank account. I’m constantly doing wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.
“Why are you still not doing anything about it!” I yelled at myself as I stared in the mirror and all I could see was the word pathetic. I looked at the time; it was 12 in the morning.
“I just need to sleep and start living my life tomorrow,” I said in my head.
It’s now the next day and I don’t know where to start. My head starts to fill up with all these thoughts about how much of a deadbeat I am, I start to sink once again, I begin to cry, overstimulated with my thoughts.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said to myself with shakiness in my voice. I got up and I went to my closet and put on this slightly stained white shirt and a pair of acid wash jeans, and then I set out on my journey to change my life. As I was pondering to myself on what to do, while I traversed down this road that seemed like it would never end the wind howling from one ear to another, I saw this sign in the window of a little convenience store on the corner of the street saying “HELP EXTREMELY NEEDED” I finally felt hope, that maybe this could be my turning point. I entered the store and begged for a job.
“What can you do? What can you provide to this store that no one else can?” said the clerk behind the counter
“I’m sorry I can’t formulate into words about how I can be different from the rest, but I can show you if you just give me a chance” I pleaded
“Put this on then, it’s time to work,” he said back to me. This was it, this was the day that I finally did something with my life after all these years.
The convince store was called rusty joes the name fit perfectly because not only was some of the store rusted but the clerk the only man who worked at the store for so long was rusted too. I wondered if he had also faced extreme hardships within his life.
“I’m heading home for the night.” I said to him as I took off this almost apron like shirt he had given me
“Yeah, yeah night.” He said back and you could just hear the cigarettes within his voice that had done so much damage. I left the store and began my walk back home, I strolled back to my complex with this new sense of prowess I finally felt like I had a purpose.
“Hey!” A strange voice shot out to me. I turned to see Jemma, my neighbor.
“Hey what’s going on?” I asked trying to make conversation. I’ve seen Jemma around here and there and had started to develop a tiny crush on her.
“How has life and everything been treating you lately?” She asked with a genuine look as if she actually cared for me.“Well, you know struggling for a bit but if you don’t try you’ll never get out of your rut ya know?” I said back.
“I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna grab a coffee or something sometime?” She said, I was in shock, “Is this seriously what happens if you have motivation?” I said in my head trying to contain my excitement.
“I would love to.” I remarked.